The funniest thing I've ever heard at work

Following is a conversation I had at work last night at 4:30 AM:

(ring, ring. Call bell. Room 132. So I walk to the room.)
Can I help you, Maria?
--Yes, I need a chinese name.
A Chinese name? What?
--I've never had a chinese name.
(At this point I explode into giggles.)
Maria, it's 4:30 AM. How about we call you Lily?
--Oh, that's nice dear.
Goodnight, Martha.
Goodnight!

I'm waiting for her to ask me what her Thai name is.

Mark 9

I've really been struggling a bit lately - under the weather spiritually and emotionally. I was feeling like the adventure has been sucked right out of my life.

After Leaderquest, where everyday was an adventure, where I was always in ministry, forcing myself to recognize God, getting into the Bible and really thinking about what it means and making its message a part of who I am and what I do; having an amazing family of believers who challenged me and mentored me and cared for me...
Sundre, Alberta. My family, who doesn't see who I am or what I do as anything special - I'm just the same old Camille, strange in my own way. This is what they might tell you about what is wrong with me...

For a job, my career aspirations include working with other nurses from students with stars in their eyes to people who see it as ministry to people who are bitter and burnt out; wiping dirty butts and having twenty-minute conversations at 2 am trying to communicate that "Yes, your hearing aid is working" when a confused resident swares that "No, it isn't. I can only hear you say, 'your hearing aid is working'." My passions are also strange - prolife education, youth in the church, becoming more and more Catholic and learning the old prayers and traditions.
I end up spending time with old friends that I really feel connected to, but who have lost contact with me or even stopped talking to me over the last five years; sometimes it ends in me feeling heartbroken and disconnected, but I try anyway.
And have you seen the car I drive? Why on earth don't I just forget doing overly responsible things like paying for student loans and starting an RRSP and go to the dealership tomorrow?
And scandal of all scandals - I'm not in a serious relationship yet? My sister, who constantly tells me that my worst mistake was not pursuing more guys and getting in a relationship, also told me the other night that I shouldn't even think about pursuing anyone 'from around here', after all they aren't 'your style'. When I asked her what my style was, she said, "Well, you go off and do these things like go to Nova Scotia and Mexico, and you want to go off on adventures to the North or to nurse as a missionary. No guys around here could take that. Besides, they're all looking for a more perfect 'girl' than you are."

HERE'S THE THING -- she's friggin right, they are all right in saying these things!!! I think sometimes that I really am missing out, that not having the prerequisites to be a full-fledged member of whatever group I don't really fit in - the couples, the girls with kids and families, the people who look and breathe 'cool' or 'hot' - that these things make me less of a person, that God dealt me a shitty hand of cards. Seems like my whole life I have been falling in love with people, finally believing that I can belong someplace, and God tells me to go to the next place or to try something completely different.

But I was reading in Mark 9 today, the passage about Jesus casting the demon out of the little boy. Great story, but it wasn't the miracle that caught my attention, it was what came afterward. Jesus could have done many more miracles, pumped up his reputation, brought huge massive event-glory to God; but instead he tried to get away that day. He tried to get away from the adventure and the image for something different, because he 'wanted to teach his disciples'. He was way more concerned with what was going on in the hearts and the minds of these misfit people that he had chosen to be his friends and his students and learners and legacy than he ever was in flexing his miracle muscles. Even though the disciples were usually confused and whiny or foolish, and probably wanted to keep going with the big flashy stuff (hmmm... like me) they were his first priority and the focus of his heart, and he wanted them to learn other stuff, like about his death and his rising.

I am so grateful to God that he can take my spoiled princess "Daddy I want a pony" attitude, and take me out of the adventure in these days because he wants to teach me as his disciple. Sure I don't fit into many a mold, but God cares about me there and is using my quirks. I love you, Jesus - that is so COOL. And Holy Spirit, you rock for filling me with joy in these days.

The nicest gesture...

My brother did the nicest thing for me the other day. After my fender bender debacle, I mentioned to him that if I could find another bumper, would he put one on for me in the future, and I'd pay him? He knew how glum I was over it looking so bad, especially headed to my high school reunion where my car was going to be my big entrance (and not a very great one, either); so when I was fast asleep after my night shift he found a bumper for the car and installed it for me. I know it's goofy, but it looks so much better and him caring about it and doing it for me all on his own makes me feel like I'm driving Cinderella's carriage, I feel so special. THANKS, Mitch!

My fender bender guardian angel

I think that maybe when my Opa died last fall, he left me one of his guardian angels - his fender bender guardian angel.

OK, so I've only had three fender benders (all extremely mild!!) in what - more than seven years of driving? I'd say that's not bad, pretty good if you know how bad people drive in Edmonton or in a farmtown.

All three of the times that I have hit someone it's been when I've been going slow, and I've always hit the nicest of the nicest of people. I also think that wearing the scrubs and having the ponytail-farm-girl look and having a pitiful car helps too. (which was the case in all three fender benders)

Anyways, I hit someone yesterday on the way to work. He stopped to turn left, but because he stopped dead and I had just turned onto the highway and was accelerating, I didn't see him. So long story short, I slammed on the brakes (I never follow too close, so I went from like 110 down to 30) and bumped him as he was turning the corner. My first thought was, "Thank God it's an old truck!" He was driving an 86 Mazda truck with a topper, and his bumper was solid. So was mine - it crumpled a little, but now it just matches the rest of the car. (Oh, it hurts me to be driving an ugly car everyday, and to hurt my beautiful Belle, but I have other priorities - like paying off student loans, etc.) He was a really nice guy - didn't ask for insurance or anything, and he was way more concerned about how I was doing than about how his truck had just suffered a punch. His name was Medford - he was such a nice guy, in his mid40s with his oily coveralls on, I just thought how lucky am I to hit the best person on the road possible? I could have hit someone with an attitude or a Jag (like the second time in seven years). He kept saying "Are you sure you're OK? Man, I feel bad, your car is in worse shape than mine." To which I replied, "It's one of the reasons I keep driving this car. Don't worry about it." "Well, it was nice to meet you..."

And, to top off the "Thank God" fest and string that I was on yesterday, my brother is going to put on a new bumper from the old Oldsmobile; Medford is going to buy a new bumper and I'll pay him for it so that I feel better about smashing his in, and I still made it to work on time.

thought digress - I always find it strange, but I can never sware when I'm in a crisis. It just doesn't come out. My thoughts are more like, "Oh, well. At least..." or "OK, time to deal with this." (the four letter word - one is all it takes for me to feel better - usually doesn't come until the end of the day when I've got nothing better to do than vent) After work in the parking lot I looked at my new bumper style, laughed, let it out, got back in the car, and went grocery shopping.

A few of my favorite smells

Tonight I was unloading groceries into the house and I had to stop - I stopped dead - and gasped. There was the most delicious, seductive, beautiful smell I have ever smelled - it was like cinnamon and sweet nutmeg and warm milk and cayenne pepper all rolled up into one. But there was no one around. So I put down the groceries and went on a smelling hunt to find out what on earth that could be??? (Picture me in my scrubs with my hair all in my face walking slowly around the yard occasionally stopping or ducking down close to the ground to smell something - good thing I live in the country sometimes, I think).

Finally, I found it! There was a patch of stinging nettles (to all people in shorts the most vile plant around) but it had been crushed by the rain and the hail a few days before, and parts of it were dying. It was soooo good smelling. I loved it! So I added a new favorite smells to my favorite smells list.

And then I thought about all my other favorite smells, and thought it would be fun to blog them all. Weigh in on yours so I can be entertained on my stretch of nights coming up.

I love the smell of: (in no particular order)
Saltwater
the faint smell of chlorine (like when you just step into a pool foyer)
rotting leaves
fresh cut grass
construction sites (oh, the glory of gravel and concrete and dust and lumber)
nutmeg, cinnamon, allspice
coffee, cake baking, or best of all some coffee cake baking
Head and Shoulders
vanilla
the smell of gasoline that stays on your hands after you gas up (but after five minutes I've had too much and think I smell butch)
mud in the spring
sunscreen (the kind with coconut and palm oil in it - has to smell like beach)
bacon and hashbrowns in the morning
church incense, or old vestments and altar cloths
clothes that dried on the line outside

Yeee -- Haw!

Rye whiskey, rye whiskey... picture about a thousand Albertan rednecks (in jeans and boots or skirts depending) swaying in time to some of the best music ever written. I can just not get enough of Corb Lund these days. It was made all the better by all the Saskatchewan bashing that went on. ;) You need to hear some of his music.
AND - drumroll - I got to see my favorite cowboys of ALL TIME ride bulls. I was so excited. Mike Lee, Matt Austin, and Adriano Moraes all rode on the day that I went. Matt Austin got a raw deal and two rerides, which bites, but I did get to see him ride that bull like butter anyways.
I was so tired when we were done that I wasn't making sense. I was mixing words up and my brother and sister were laughing at me, but after a good 36 hours without sleep coming off of a couple of night shifts I was wiped.

A Long Canoe Trip (and some lame jokes)

I went on a 42 km. canoe trip this weekend. The water was warm, and we spent time splashing each other and making jokes and singing old country songs on the guitar and watching for birds (we saw hawks and eagles and kingfishers and some cranes, maybe a pelican but it was far away).

I only wish I hadn't been so sore when I got off the water. I felt like my arms were going to melt away. Here are some of the jokes that kept me entertained (just to keep you entertained):

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs...

hanging on a wall? (Art.)
on the front doorstep? (Matt.)
in a pile of leaves? (Russel.)
in the ocean? (Bob.)

What do you call a girl with one leg?
(Eileen)
What do you call a chinese girl with one leg?
(Irene) (please don't kill me, Jess)

The Reception and Dance (and end of the wedding)

This is a picture of my date for the reception, my escort and cousin, Jason. I am so glad that I ended up with Jay. We had so much FUN. There should be more people in the world who are 19 going on 20 and that much fun to be around, and so considerate and joyful too. I am going to get in trouble when Chelsea reads this because she doesn't know what I did to keep myself occupied during the reception. For centerpiece snacks she had pear flavored Jelly-Belly's. We started throwing them at people we knew would be goodnatured among the guests. I have bad aim I discovered.... bad bad aim. I hit someone's drink and an old woman and my cousin's new boyfriend before progressing to throwing grapes torn off the centerpieces, which were plastic grapes in jars. That was better, and they flew farther. I was discreet though, and I am sure that people thought there were weird green flying bugs. Jay and I were careful. During the reception and the usual speeches, which were emotional and made me cry when they made Chel cry (I'm fine til someone I love starts up, then I fall apart), we started to hear feedback. It sounded like the chipmunks or three female aliens had landed and were singing back up in highpitched voices to whoever was talking/singing. I could watch Jason pinching and hitting himself under the table to keep from laughing. When he started making large jellybean faces on the tablecloth with jellybellies to try to distract himself and then shoving entire eyes or ears from the face into his mouth to keep from grinning and giggling, I lost it too. We were hitting each other under the table and laughing and snickering (thank God we were at the end of the head table far from the mike). I only feel mildly guilty...

Jay also made a video of himself as Napoleon Dynamite, describing how Chel and Robby met (he could win an Oscar with his acting - seriously!!).

Wedding dances are second only to weddings. The Chicken Dance, line dances, the macarena, two-stepping, they are so much fun! Chel had a dry wedding, which gave it a really different character, but we still had a lot of fun regardless. (My Mom was a little let down, and I have to admit I could have used a drink or two too.) Here are some good pictures - the beautiful bride and handsome groom, a picture of Chels with Robby's groomsman William, my sis Robyn and cousins Emily and Abby dancing. A picture of us doing the chicken dance ( I got the bride's arm).

The Wedding (Part 3)

I love weddings now. Used to think they were nice ideas, sentimental and sweet, but now I think they are BEAUTIFUL. Chelsea and Robby's wedding was wonderful. I saw this nonchalant, too-cool-for-school man get emotional about my Chelsea and I found myself grinning like a fool being happy for the two of them. I really like Robby, and what can I say, he got himself caught by one of the best of women. I stood next to my sister and Brenna and listened to Brenna hold back the tears and watched Chelsea and Robby tease each other in delicate little ways all through the ceremony (Robby put the cutest emphasis on "Wear it" when talking about the rings, he made it sound like a command). The pastor talked about how people are like cars and when you commit to your one car for life, you shouldn't go around riding in other people's cars, you should first take care of your own and stay dedicated to it. Not sure I really like the analogy, but it was good for a smile. It took us four hours to get ready and to calm Chelsea and ourselves down and keep Robby in the dark about Chelsea's whereabouts. He cried when he saw her, and I can understand why. She was beautiful!

After the wedding, it was honk time. A wedding is not a wedding without decorated vehicles, plastic pompoms and a little hellraising with fireworks and driving through town disturbing a little peace while being way dressed up. The picture is of my sister Jen in the center, Chel's friend Brenna and I. It's not very flattering to any of us, but I think it's a lot of fun and shows the kind of mood we were in - we were so happy that they were happy. It sounds cliche and scripted, but I was just elated that two people I loved now got to love each other and were committed to each other. And another cool thing was that they had been building up to this for years - saving each other from heartbreak and saving themselves physically for the marriage.

The Wedding Rehearsal (wedding part 2)

Before the rehearsal, we managed to sneak seven girls into the hotel honeymoon suite. Which, although clearly was big enough to sleep seven, was only firecoded for four. We had an anal hotel clerk who was quite suspicious of us, so we snuck in through the back door and came in and out in shifts. Stole a rose out of the fake bouquet above the fireplace just because we could (that was all Brenna). It had a phenomenally large shower and jacuzzi and a hideaway bed and a big ol' supersoft kingsize bed. The closet was big enough to use as a changeroom, which I did just because I could.

The rehearsal was long (took ten minutes just to figure out who was going to stand where), but a blast anyhow. Halfway through waiting for the pastor (Filipino and a pastor = always late), a huge thunderstorm with dregs of hail and pouring rain happened - I thought it was a great omen. All the romance in bollywood films happens in the rain or snow, and they even got a rainbow! Best wedding rehearsal idea ever is pizza and a lot of fun and laughter, with a prayer session at the end --- encouraging us to pray for them and for their marriage, and giving us a chance to pray as a wedding party.

Back at the hotel, we did manicures and all shaved legs together in the jacuzzi and ate desserts from BPs, and did makeup trials (thus the picture of me where I'm laughing because it's on so thick - good thing for practice rounds). I hung out with Robby's sister Jamie and my cuz Steph and the rest of the girls ( I never realized how funny and great to be around Steph and Jamie were). The other cousins Julia and Bonnie came by (Julia brought her boyfriend... duh... although I think it might have been planned, and he just wanted to be in a honeymoon suite with ten girls in swimsuits - jj Julia or Craig if you read this)

The last words we heard before falling asleep (that I have witnesses who will testify that I predicted at 2 in the afternoon) was , "Guys! I'm getting married tomorrow!"
We woke up at 6 AM (even though we didn't need to get up til 7) to giggling. (I was waiting to get up because I was sleeping on the hideaway and my head kept sinking into the gap between couch and mattress.) Jen and Steph and Chel slept in the big bed, and Chel woke us up giggling because Steph was violently thrashing in bed all night. (All of us girls in the family move around when we're sleeping - not violently, but we all are most comfortable switching positions every now and then - and we don't steal covers, in our defense) Chel's first words of the day: "Guys, I'm getting married today!"

Fun with the girls (wedding part 1)

The night before a wedding, some wedding parties go out for a wild night of drinking and male dancers and last regrets before tying the knot. But not this wedding party. After the rehearsal (more on the rehearsal later) we got into the car and did some low-key yet highly embarassing stunts about the small town. We made Chel yell out the window at innocent bystanders "I'm getting married TOMORROW!" which was better than you'd think because of how hard it was for her to do. Some strange looks, some thumbs up. Six girls in a little white car, driving around and stopping at intersections so the bride-to-be could do Chinese fire drills. Chel even had herself and Robby matching caps with Bride and Groom embroidered on the top. In the picture, driving is my sister Jen, passenger cousin Steph, and Chel and I are in the back.