Pajamas With Feet (or, why they call me Sparky)

When I was a little girl, I was afraid of a few things, like most little girls. When I was in my room at night, I used to be afraid that the coyotes I could hear in the forest were coming to eat me. I used to be afraid that there would be a fire in my house, and that I wouldn't be able to get out in time - or that when I did get out I would get cold or lose my most valuable posessions (my blankie and my teddy and my Bible). I had a pair of yellow fuzzy pajamas with feet to protect me from getting my feet wet if I had to jump out my window because of fire (that way I'd stay warm and dry).
My Dad always used to tell me I was silly and that there would never be a fire. If there was, he would come for me and we would be safe. I used to do drills to see how fast I could take the screen out of the window.

On Saturday night, my little girl nightmares came true. All I wanted was a Tim Horton's twelve-grain bagel! So I stopped before work and got one to toast when I got hungry later. Every morning between four and five am on nights I get hungry, so I went to toast the bagel at 430 AM. I heard a patient's call bell ring, so I went to help her to the bathroom. The whole process of on-the-toilet-off-the-toilet, back-to-bed-and-tucked-in takes seven minutes. When I came back to get my bagel, I heard crackling. I thought to myself, "That is weird. Who is making popcorn at 430 in the morning?" But it was NOT popcorn.

The whole entire countertop and kitchen was one big wall of flame.

Wish I had a picture for effect.

I have never felt such a rush of "gotime" adrenaline as I did then. I went and pulled the alarm and ran to get my staff (who were on a coffee break, cleaning up the game of LIFE that we had just played - it's a little slow on nights at times). The security girl came and told us that we had to evacuate everyone - even though the fire was out from the sprinkler system, the smoke was really bad.

So here I go, being the charge nurse, (which apparently makes me 'fire warden') being in charge of coordinating the whole evacuation effort and responding to the fire department (which is all older in age and not at all as hot as you've been told), and still in charge of keeping all my patients alive. We (as in the nursing staff - the firefighters were occupied) were moving beds through water and smoke, trying to explain to patients with Alzheimer's that it's OK while they lie in bed, shaking all over because the fire bell scares them.

What a night! When it was all over, I sat in a chair reciting Psalm 41 and being thankful that a "Hail Mary" I sent up after the first evacuated patient was answered. My legs felt like jelly. I called Dad to pick me up - I held it together, professional and calm and cracking jokes until he pulled up and the car door was closed. Then I cried. I had been so scared! I didn't feel in control at all, at any point.

Looking back there are about a dozen things I would do differently. Course I'm not blaming myself that the wiring in the wall was faulty, or that I didn't react completely textbook when confronted with a fire. But I wish (if I could go back) I could do it better. But let me just say right now that I think I'm proud of myself. I learned a lot of positive things from this.

I don't mean to trivialize how hard this was for me by trying to be funny, or to minimize how stressful it was but I did get some perks and lessons from all this:

1. Nurses don't get paid enough. And being in charge deserves more than an extra $1.50 an hour.

2. S--- happens. Guaranteed. You can't always have your bagel and eat it too.

3. God always comes through. Always. And Mary is really good at praying for people.

4. It's amazing how communicative and professional you can appear to be when the wall is on fire.

5. Don't look to teenage siblings for compassion and support. They don't do a good job. (I quote "You don't even feel a little bit guilty? You almost burned the hospital down!")

6. I breathed in the equivalent of probably like two thousand cigarettes and let me tell you, Smoking kills. It's day three and I can finally talk again - laryngitis sucks.

7. We get a new kitchen. Including new coffee maker, toaster, fridge, ice machine, cupboards, and electrical wiring.

8. The people you work with can be really good to you - one day you're really gonna need them to pull through for you.

9. Pay attention when it's fire safety day. I wish I had been more on the ball. And fire is WAY more fun when you get to start it on purpose.

10. Ask God for more adventure and to "make work more challenging for me so that I don't get bored" (yes, direct prayer quote) and he answers in unexpected ways.

11. It's OK to drink before noon.